Resources for Discussing Grief and Loss

As a follow-up to the March 2014 presentation by Dr. Carol Dickhaus about talking with children about grief and loss, here is a list of the books that Dr. Dickhaus provided as possible resources.

Books to read with your child:

Water Bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney

When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown & Marc Brown

Lifetimes:  The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie & Robert Ingpen

What is Death? by Etan Boritzer (this book offers descriptions of death through the lens of a variety of cultures and religions)

Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen

*Dr. Dickhaus graciously donated a copy of each of these books to Redeemer's MOPS library.  If you would like to borrow one or more of these, please contact the current MOPS coordinator.  (Our MOPS library is a new gig, so we're still figuring out where the books will be located and how the borrowing process will look.)

Books to read for yourself:

Talking with Children About Loss by Maria Trozzi (covers various types of loss - death, divorce, disability, and others)

When Children Grieve by John James & Russell Friedman

Additional books:

I came across this list of books in Honey For a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt.  (Honey For a Child's Heart is a wonderful book with a variety of book lists categorized by age and topic, offering a wealth of suggested reading material for you and your child from infant through high school.  I often take this book along to the library to help me find new books and authors to share with my son.)

I selected the books indicated for younger children, although Gladys lists several books for older elementary children and young adults as well.  The descriptions accompanying each book are Gladys's.

Papa's Gift by Kathleen Bostrom, il. Guy Porfirio.

A beautiful story of the friendship of a grandfather and graddaughter and their adventures together.  When Papa dies, little Clara refuses to be comforted, until she remembers what he had told her and sees with new eyes.  The wonderful illustrations alone are comforting.  All ages.

Blow Me a Kiss, Miss Lilly by Nancy White Carlstrom, il Amy Schwartz

Sara's best friend is Miss Lilly, who is very old.  They blow kisses to each other right to the end.  Ages 4-10.

Everett Anderson's Goodbye by Lucille Clifton, il. Ann Grifalconi

A lovely book.  A poetic telling of Everett Anderson's feelings as he copes with grief and accepts his father's death.  The book takes you gently through the stages of grieving.  All ages.

The Goodbye Boat by Mary Joslin, il. Claire St. Louis Little

Saying goodbye when someone you love dies is perhaps the hardest thing of all.  This book provides a message of hope that sadness will ease and that death is not the end.  Ages 5-10.

Someday Heaven by Larry Libby, il.  Wayne McLoughlin

Thoughtful, comforting, Scripture-based answers to common questions children ask about heaven and what happens at death.  All ages.

A Little Bit of Rob by Barbara J. Turner, il. Marni Backer

Almost everything reminds the family of their brother Rob.  They miss him from the moment they step into the boat on their crabbing expedition.  A book about how memories help us in grieving.  Ages 5-10.

Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley

All the woodland creatures mourn when old Badger dies.  A beautiful book about sharing memories in your loss.  All ages.

My Grandson Lew by Charlotte Zolotow, il. William Pene Du Bois

You may need to get this quiet and thoughtful book from the library.  All ages. 

When Breakfast Cereal Becomes Boring

Last November I came across this recipe in one of my favorite cookbooks, thought it would provide a pleasant alternative to our breakfast cereal routine, and rapidly came to appreciate the convenience it gives to my mornings on those days when we just want something other than cereal.

Further, it is easy to alter the ingredients to provide greater nutrition with increased fiber and protein compared to typical store-bought pancake mixes.

Give it a try!  I think you may agree.

Pancake Mix, makes 2 lb of mix

from More With Less Cookbook, (c) 1976

Combine in a large bowl:

6 c. flour

1 Tbsp. salt

6 Tbsp. baking powder (equal to 1/4 c. plus 2 Tbsp.)

6 T. sugar

2 c. powdered milk

Mix well and store in airtight container on cupboard shelf.

To use:

Combine in a bowl:

1 egg (beat w/ a fork)

1 c. water

2 Tbsp. melted fat or oil

1 1/2 c. pancake mix

Fry on a hot ungreased griddle.  (I preheat my skillet while mixing up the morning's pancake batter.)  Serves 3-4.

Notes:

• I make half a recipe when I use the mix, and this serves myself and my two year old son well with one or two small pancakes leftover.  Of course, since you can't use only half an egg, I use a whole egg and simply reduce the amount of water I add by a small amount.

• Throw into the batter a handful or two of dried cherries and/or cranberries to add some sweetness.  Your kids might still ask for syrup, but you won't need any with these in the mix.

• Add about 1/2 c. cooked pumpkin puree + 1-2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice to make "pumpkin pie pancakes" (as my son calls them); taste good, but tricky to cook as they tend to brown before the centers are completely done to my liking; probably would help if I increased the water a bit to thin the batter - the pumpkin makes it thicker

• Replace one third white flour (2 c.) with buckwheat flour, whole wheat flour, oatmeal, or rye flour and cornmeal.

• Replace one sixth of the flour (1 c.) with soy flour (increases protein content)

• Add 1 c. wheat germ to the recipe

Here is the flour variation that I've used thus far:

2 c. white flour

2 c. wheat flour

1 c. soy flour

1 c. multigrain cereal

(plus the salt, baking powder, sugar, and powdered milk - as indicated in the recipe)

Kids Stuff Sale

Kids Stuff Sale at Church of the Crossing
(Hosted by MOPS at Church of the Crossing)
April 26, 8 am-noon
See flyer for more information
Kids Stuff Sale Flyer

Indy Ex-Pat: Realities of Moving- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

By Beth Williamson

We moved from Indianapolis to Raleigh, NC, six months ago, and it has been an interesting and mostly positive journey for our family. From my perspective, here are the benefits and drawbacks of making a major move.

The Good
Change is refreshing.
We moved from an urban area to a suburban area, which is not something we ever thought we wanted, but we love it. Our neighborhood has large wooded lots, creeks, lakes, a playground, a pool, and wildlife. It's so peaceful here, and it's a great place for the kids to grow up. The kids responded well to moving and seemed to view it as a fun adventure. It even sparked a new interest in geography for our four-year-old son.

No more IPS worries.
Our IPS boundary school was one of the worst in the district, and trying to get our son into a magnet, charter, or private school that could provide the right environment and special needs services was stressful. Here, he qualified for more special education services than he did in Indianapolis, and we are really seeing the payoff with improved social skills and better behavior. He is going to begin kindergarten this summer at our neighborhood school, which is one of the best in the district, and he is expected to require minimal special education services. This is truly an answer to our prayers.

The weather.
Yes, I'm rubbing it in. We were still swimming in October, and I have rarely needed a heavy coat this winter. We have actually had a pretty bad winter by North Carolina standards, but it's still better than a normal Indiana winter. We're very thankful that we got to miss the 2013-2014 Indiana winter in particular. Just don't ask me how I feel about the weather when I'm sweltering in July.

The Bad
Being far from family.
Both sets of grandparents are in central Indiana, and they really miss the kids. We will probably see them four times per year, but we still feel guilty for moving their grandchildren so far away. We were also accustomed to having the grandparents available to babysit, and it has been difficult not having them nearby. I actually don't mind paying for a sitter because they actually follow instructions instead of spoiling the kids rotten. However, it's hard for me to go to the doctor or dentist, and date nights are rare. It's also hard to not have any support when I'm ill or Andy is traveling for work. I keep telling myself it will get easier as the children get older.

Getting connected is hard.
We underestimated just how many churches here would be Southern Baptist, which we are not. Although there are a few denominations we're willing to consider, this has limited our choices, and we have yet to find a church the whole family likes. I thought I would join a new MOPS group, too, but I will have to wait until next year because the meetings conflict with our son's current school schedule. It's also hard to get to know neighbors during the winter months, especially since our houses aren't very close together. We don't feel like we've failed, though, because we haven't made much of an effort to get connected. We expect to meet more neighbors as the weather improves and the pool opens, and I'm joining the neighborhood book club to meet some new people now.

The Ugly
House-hunting with kids is the absolute worst. Our daughter fell down a flight of stairs and absolutely refused to be held. Our son used the bathroom in a house where the water was turned off, wrote on the walls of another house with lipstick, and threw two of the most epic fits I've ever seen while we were driving home from house-hunting, complete with hurling toys at our heads. Of course, that really has been the only really awful part about making a major move, and we were still able to find a house fairly quickly.

Overall, I think it's worth it to make a major change every once in a while, especially if, like us, you feel that God is leading you to make that change. We feel like there is so much to look forward to in our new home, and we can't wait to see what the future brings.

Book Club 2014 Book List

Redeemer MOPS ladies (and your friends) are all invited to join our Book Club. We generally meet the second Wednesday evening of the month(except January we are meeting next week, January 22 at 8:30 pm). This is not a MOPS specific club- so feel free to invite your working and/or single friends.
Contact Ann Bromley for more information (jabromley@gmail.com) and if you intend to come.

2013 Book Club List
January: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/100915.The_Lion_the_Witch_and_the_Wardrobe

February: Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lisa TerKeurst
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13700247-unglued?from_search=true

March: Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/375802.Ender_s_Game?from_search=true

April: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11870085-the-fault-in-our-stars?ac=1

May: The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3407877-the-forgotten-garden?from_search=true

June: The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10950924-the-dovekeepers?from_search=true

July: Divergent by Veronica Rothhttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13335037-divergent?from_search=true

August: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2657.To_Kill_a_Mockingbird?from_search=true

September: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22628.The_Perks_of_Being_a_Wallflower?from_search=true

October: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9460487-miss-peregrine-s-home-for-peculiar-children?from_search=true

November: The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21996.The_Devil_in_the_White_City?from_search=true

Ode to the Pomegranate

To those that have had the pleasure of trying a pomegranate, they are an exotic and wonderful surprise. As a fruit juice, they can be a favorite mixer (blended with other juices or with alcohol).  The flavor is also tremendously delicious in yogurt.
While readily available in stores, most of us are daunted by this strange fruit because we don't have the faintest clue how to get the seeds out (which is what you eat) or what to do with the seeds beyond just snack on them. Thanks to table leaders Amy and Amy for providing these links to answer those questions.

Deseeding a Pomegranate

"I did this over a mixing bowl in the kitchen sink, with minimal mess.  And the juice didn't stain my hands like I had thought it might. We are really enjoying the seeds." - Amy Heneisen

From the MOPS website: 

Pomegranate seeds are glorious. The work required to get to those little seeds is not glorious... until now. A wooden spoon and 10 seconds is all you need.

http://www.mops.org/deseed-a-pomagranate-in-10-seconds?PHPSESSID=24d73akh5adaovav81khc68616

Pumpkin Soup with Pomegranate and Pesto

"For the easy, kid-friendly version, we leave out the Serrano chiles, substitute jarred roasted red peppers for the piquillos, and use regular canned pumpkin and ground cumin.  And I would add, make sure to use unsalted or low-sodium chicken stock b/c the pesto and cheese are very salty."- Amy Eddy 

Click the link to go to see this recipe on the Pinch My Salt website:

http://pinchmysalt.com/spicy-pumpkin-soup-with-cilantro-pepita-pesto/