Well, the
“mess” part anyway. The “beautiful” part didn’t come until recently.
I’ve always
been kind of a mess, though the definition of that word has changed over the
course of my life. In high school, I felt like a mess because my clothes never
seemed quite right, and my hair was always frizzy. In college, I experienced
some relational pain, and my heart felt like a mess. As I got married and moved
out on my own, my house was often a mess – and to this day, please, please don’t ask me to see my bedroom
(a.k.a. dumping ground) when you come over!
When I
became a mom, I definitely felt like
a mess. Not at first – I was on a high of just having moved back to my hometown
of Indianapolis, quitting my full-time corporate PR job and having the baby we
had just tried 13 months to conceive (with the help of a fertility specialist).
But as time
went on, things got more complicated. Our eldest daughter, always a
strong-willed one, began exhibiting behavior that led us to seek professional
help. Six months ago, she received a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder
(SPD). Her SPD is mild, we attend weekly sessions with an amazing occupational
therapist and my daughter is really just all-around awesome. But in my darker
moments, I find myself asking, did I mess
things up?
Of course,
the answer is no. The truth is, life is messy. One of my favorite authors,
Madeleine L’Engle wrote,
“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can
appreciate the light.”
In the same
vein, maybe you have to know the mess
before you can see the beauty. Seeing my house as a
complete mess makes me really love
those few occasions when it’s clean. And knowing where we started with my
daughter makes me so thankful for how much progress she’s made. On a
faith-related note, knowing the ugliness and depth of my sin makes it all the
more amazing that God has redeemed me and loves me (in spite of my mess).
By the way,
have I mentioned how glad I am you’ve found your way to Redeemer MOPS? In many
ways, our little group personifies “a beautiful mess.” But I wouldn’t
have it any other way. Since I joined MOPS four years ago, I’ve found lasting
friendships, inspiration through our speakers, made some awesome crafts and received
amazing encouragement in my journey through motherhood. I look forward to
getting to know you better this year.
Nikki Reed
Redeemer
MOPS Coordinator
